Saturday, 9 June 2012

New Rules Of Facebook

New Rules Of Facebook
No-one is allowed to post anymore pictures of funny cats with captions. If you want to look at a funny cat you will have find an actual cat doing something funny. Or persuade him to do something funny possibly with the promise of some tuna or a squeaky mouse thing.

No more use of the letters LOL. It’s not a word.If it’s funny say it’s funny, or type Ha ha ha ha at least. The letters LOL are only allowed if using words like Lollapalooza or lollipop.

Don’t type anything unless you are sure it’s more interesting than watching a toilet flush. Admittedly one man’s Keats is another man’s Peter Andre. But unless you would happily have it etched on your gravestone as the one thing people will remember you for don’t type it.

From now on nobody is allowed to tell the world what day of the week it is. Monday’s on Facebook have turned into an endless stream of the same words. “I can’t believe its Monday” “I hate Mondays” “Where did the weekend go?” over and over like an internet with Alzheimers. Similarly when it is Friday even someone that’s favourite film is Home Alone 3 will have managed to figure out that it is indeed Friday, so we don’t need 89 lines of “Thank God its Friday” or “Friday Yay”.

Be. More. Specific. If you are feeling angry, upset, happy or sad don’t just type “is really mad now” or “is so angry now” as your status update. If you don’t tell us why we will assume that you are the biggest drama queen since Christian from Eastenders stole Elton Johns favourite cushion and are attention seeking at a level not seen since Jessie J singing along to songs on The Voice.

Holiday photos. Before posting 435 photos of your trip to Spain ask yourself this; if my friends were at my house now would they want to sit through each and every one of these photos? If the answer to this question is yes, then ask yourself why none of your friends come to your house anymore.
If these rules are broken, even once, then you will be instantly banned then arrested and sent back to My Space for 200 years.

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