Tuesday 9 April 2019

Are Panic & Anxiety The Right Words.




When I tell people that I have anxiety and panic attacks I often get this response:

"Oh I get panicky too, couldn't find my Oyster card last night!"

Or

"Anxiety? Yeah I get that watching Making A Murderer, not nice is it?"

They don't mean to belittle my situation, but what they associate with the words doesn't even come close to how it feels.

Terror Attacks, Brain Meltdown, Mind Collapse are more accurate. Yes I know they sound like horror films, but actually that's not that far from the truth.

At its worst Anxiety for me is like being in a horror film, with the woozy score from Vertigo. Every phone bleep, every door knock, every sound of footsteps outside could be the dark grey monster that will tip me over the edge and breakdown.


Panic attacks are like the spinning room you used to get when you've drunk too much Thunderbird wine. Except it doesn't feel like it will ever end. The spinning gets faster, shapes, sounds and people distort, like the contrast/sound turned up too high on an old TV. Every bleak thought about every aspect of your life plays at once. All competing with each other for the prize of scariest outcome and worst ending. 


They do pass, always. But that doesn't stop you from thinking the next one might never end.

I'm lucky, after a long time I luckily found a good Doctor who understands and friends/family who will support me, no matter how dark and gloomy I feel. I think I'm coming through the other side, at last. The optimism and hope that was hidden away in a dusty cupboard has come back.

So when you hear the words 'panic' and 'anxiety' please try not to assume you know what that means. It takes huge strength for some people to be honest and talk about what they are going through, don't stop them before they start.