Monday, 26 September 2011

Never Leave The House.

So I went into town on Saturday, and after roughly 4 years of searching I managed to find a parking space only to realise that I didn't have any change.
Dammit I thought, I looked to see if the sweets stall that only sells sweets because people need to change a fiver was there but no it was shut.
Ok ok what would Jack Bauer do I thought, and after discounting the idea of interrogating the bloke selling conservatories until he confesses to planning to blow up Argos I realised my only chance is to quickly buy something from toys r us (the nearest shop) and leg it back to the car before I get a ticket.
I ran inside the shop, god it was busy AND NOISY, why do they let children into these places?? I frantically looked for the cheapest item I could find (unfortunately the Xbox Connect wasn't it, not that I know what one is anyway it sounds like a park and ride bus at Luton Airport) and hurriedly made my way to the nearest and only open checkout. Only to find the most spoilt child in the world (looking a lot like Veruca Salt from Charlie & The Chocolate Factory "I will sqweem and squeem") has managed to persuade her long suffering parents to buy the entire stock of Bratz dolls, wigs, shoes and most of aisle F.
I eventually put my single solitary item on the conveyor belt and shuffled to the front of the queue.
The shop assistant (her name I believe was Abi...) looked at my item, then looked at me, then started to smile, then looked at me again, not in a 'he's nice' way though, it was more of a 'who let him out, it must have been a mistake, he is just a tad on the wrong side of weird' sort of look.
"Is that all you are buying sir" she said looking at me, I could tell she was about to laugh
"err yep it is" I said looking at what I was going to buy; ONE GIANT GOLD CHOCOLATE COIN
"yeah sorry I need change for the car park"
then I realised how it looked and the penny (or giant coin) dropped.
"not that it will fit in the machine I know!"
she started laughing and I turned bright beetroot red and quickly left after paying, imagining that she was thinking I would put my giant gold coin into a blue cartoon parking meter and drive off in my big cartoon clown car, hooting away, with Roger Rabbit in the passenger seat, whilst the loony tunes theme plays in the background.
As porky pig would say; Thats all folks.

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